A strange 20 mile training run...and some crazy news!

Mid October I ran the last 20 mile run I will be doing for awhile. I was preparing to run the Bobcat trail marathon (my 10th marathon) and the Fuzzy Fandango 50k (my second ultra). I had been a bit frustrated with myself for feeling so out of shape lately (in spite of training just as much as usual): my times were ridiculously slow, I was running low on water and fuel a LOT sooner than usual, and my asthma was acting up a bit more easily. I knew the 20 miles would not be easy, and my goals for the races would just have to be to finish. However, I would finally be able to officially qualify for an elite group of crazy and awesome people, the Marathon Maniacs.

Fortunately, the weather was perfect and the gorgeous splendor of the southeastern Ohio fall foliage kept me feeling relatively decent. I planned my route to go near an extra water stop, brought extra Gu packs, and took opportunities to take pictures during the more often than usual walk breaks.

A couple of weeks later, only about 3 days before the marathon, I found out why I hadn't been feeling quite up to par. And I found out that I wouldn't be running any marathons for quite awhile.

"Um, you're pregnant," my doctor announced, bringing me the positive test.

I was shocked. And panic-stricken. I'm still a broke @$$ grad student: my husband and I can barely take care of ourselves much less a tiny human. And all of those awesome fall and spring race goals: not happening.

My doctor, who is a wonderful person and has helped me get through a couple of tough times in the past, talked me through it and helped me calm down.

A few minutes later, woman with a cart came in and did my first ultrasound. There it was: a living being that had taken up residence in my belly. I started bawling, uncontrollably. Never have I experienced so many emotions all at once. In addition to the anxiety and sadness, I started to feel happy things: excitement, a powerful love for the little being growing inside of me. I just could not stop crying.

So, here I am a few months later: there's still plenty of anxiety, but most of it has been replaced by excitement. This baby is a miracle, even if the timing is not at all what we had planned. With the pill, the odds of this happening were only 1%. With my eating disorder history and all the damage I did to my body (particularly my reproductive system: the reason I was on the pill in the first place), there was a good chance I would have fertility issues, likely making that percent even lower. Ray and I are going to have a child, a child who will be loved. A child who I can't wait to welcome into the world!